That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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