wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
accomplished twins. life is a go
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
