I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
