we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
