Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
