She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
