he wants to bone in the snuggie
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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