before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He felt like a one man threesome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
