My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
