I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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