If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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