so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
