Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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