oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You ate ashes out of my bong
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
