he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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