Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will be naked everywhere
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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