Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
