make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize