just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail