I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS