Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....