I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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