It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize