I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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