checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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