the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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