i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
