I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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