like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
