Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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