stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
