and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
