It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
