Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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