We're like a lot better than the average bears
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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