You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
