I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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