FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
