billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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