This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
