you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
