dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
