I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
