My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Say something about gay babies.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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