**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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