I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
