90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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