she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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