i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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