I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
