...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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