Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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