He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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