I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
