Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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