If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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