Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
