I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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