I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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