she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
