Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
