and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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