when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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