What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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