My friends, they love my intelligence
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
