I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
